1000 broken failures... an accomplishment?

It was a Sunday, a few days after Diwali, the Indian festival of lights, and I was sitting on the couch in the home of a good family friend. It is a tradition, that on the weekend of Diwali, my family would go to Sudhir-uncle’s house and would bring a gift of sweets. However, on this particular trip, last year, I wanted to bring something special, just from me. I had gotten pretty good at ceramics and so made a fruit bowl to give them.

And, being inclined to look for ways to make some extra money, I asked Sudhir-uncle, “Do you think my bowl is good? Would you buy it if you saw it in a store?”

And he, behaving almost like a parent, answered, “I would buy anything that you made.”

I grew irritated by his response. I was asking the question seriously, and his answer sounded as though he was trying to placate me. And so, in an attempt to try to get the truth out of him I said, “It’s not really that good. I don’t really like how the glazing came out; it was supposed to be in bands, not all blended together like that. I don’t think anybody would buy it.” I expected him to tell me that it was perfect the way it was and that, of course, someone would want to buy it.

To my surprise he answered, “You know that my cousin is a potter. He told me that his teacher told him that he should not sell a single piece until he had broken a thousand of his own pieces. Those thousand pieces have to be ones in which you have used your best effort and realized that they did not turn out as well as you wanted them to.”

It took me a moment to unravel what he had said, but once I did, I was silenced. I had not thrown out ten pieces, let alone a hundred, or a thousand. However, I still felt that if someone was willing to buy my work, no matter for how little, it was good enough, but I didn’t try to argue.

It was not until I returned to school and saw how often I would think, “This looks better than what so-and-so made,” that I realized that I was judging my work by how I compared to others, rather than looking at whether it was actually good or not. It was just like what I hated hearing from teachers: “It wasn’t exactly right, but I know you tried hard, so I’ll give you credit.” This resulted in me taking all of my works-in-progress and throwing them out. I then proceeded to read a few books on throwing before returning to the wheel.

This advice, while not appreciated at the time, is the one which I have remembered the best and have truly attempted to imbue into every aspect of my life. I realized that doing my best doesn’t necessarily mean that I was producing the best work that was possible. I have to actively try to learn and practice so that my best gets ever closer to the best. It was like calculating limits in calculus. I must bring my best as close to the best as possible, even it is impossible for it to be equal to the best, so that I can accurately judge what the best would be. While I have sadly not yet accomplished this, I believed that if I am able to use this advice in all that I do, nothing will be out of my reach.

Grabbing the Tail of the Monster

When I look to the future, my vision gets blurry. These glasses in which I wander the world so proudly do little to sharpen my vision in that fourth dimension people call time. And yet, I do not see that as a failure, a reason to cast off the glasses and travel blind during the present in search of a clearer future. The future is unpredictable and often the search for it causes us to lose sight of what we want or need for ourselves at the moment.

That being said, however, the quest to divine the future can be greatly enjoyable in the present. And so I find myself plunging into that river of imagination to see where it will lead me…

As I sink to the bottom, I see the shimmer of gold. It mingles with the mud and rocks, waiting to be lifted out and claimed by the finder (in this case me). Money is clearly a commodity I would like to possess. The security provided by having an ample supply of money in turn provides the opportunity to fulfill the other goals of my life. In itself, it constitutes a purely personal achievement and yet through fiscal stability, I will be able to become, myself, a value to humanity.

I begin to swim, and I realize the water is clear, no trash, no waste. It is the perfect balance between nature and animal. I hope that within my lifetime I see the world become one in which sustainable living is valued higher than mere wishful thinking. Humanity has come to the point where further growth will result in eventual destruction if we as a group do not choose to rethink the steps we take to achieve that growth. At this time, the switch to sustainable living has a personal cost far above what the average person is able to pay, and so to make the change myself, I would have to make the money to which I referred earlier. Additionally, if through the course of whatever career I choose, I am able to work to make sustainability more practical, I would like to do so. Sustainable living would most definitely be valuable to humanity as a whole, although for people at an individual level, it may require sacrifices. However, I want to make the change for the purely selfish reason that it would make me feel good about myself and would allow my children a healthy planet on which to live.

A giant sea monster rises out of the reeds and begins to swim away. I grab onto its tail and let it pull me along to wherever it chooses to go. Fantasy and science fiction books have helped me greatly throughout my childhood. Whenever I felt the world of reality was being unfair to me and I needed to escape for a time, I would be able to open a book and submerge myself in the story. I believe this saved my sanity and would like, when I have the means, to help a greater number of children access these stories. I would like to sponsor libraries around the country that would allow kids to access these books. This is perhaps my only goal which is not selfish (Although it would be kind of cool to have a building named after me). I feel that, while this may not help humanity in some grand sense, it would touch the lives of many individuals.

I release the tail of the monster, but my speed shoots me past the surface of the water. I see around me scenes which I have never seen before, an unfamiliar world. Travel is another goal of mine which would require money. I want to see other cultures and other places so that I can understand how they differ from my own. I feel that if I have the resources, I have a responsibility to use them to better myself, and I believe travel to be a good way of doing that. This again is valuable to me alone.

As I fall back to the water, I do a flip and then curl into a ball, stretching out right before I land to make the biggest splash possible. I feel that the most important endeavor of my life will be to enjoy every moment of it. Who knows if that sea monster is lying under me with its jaws open, waiting for a morning snack? Because life is unpredictable, I feel it is important that I make the time which I can control, the present, the most enjoyable that I can. Whether I die next week or in a hundred years, I want to have experienced enough of the joys of life that I will not regret my death. While having fun is again important to me personally, I do not think I can accomplish anything else worth accomplishing without having fun.